Lee vs. Jacob - An Unlikely Rivalry!

 

  For about a year now, there hase been a deep rivalry brewing within the walls of the BHO! A rivalry that I genuinely didnt expect! But! Before sitting down and writing this post I had a good think about it and actually understand how this all came about! Let me explain!

  In the blue corner of the rivalry is Lee Hoggarth, a founding member of the BHO. He does have a bit of a weakness when it comes to anything competitive. His issue is that he does tend to run his mouth about how fantastically skilled he is, often before the game/match has even started! Don't get me wrong, his gums still flap even during the game/match, it is usually only quietened down if he starts losing, then the cockily assured waffle is usually substituted my the most god awful language you have ever heard! I swear, If your granny heard the kind of guff that Lee comes out with when he's losing, she would have a stroke and die... immediately... gone... dead! But in all honesty, I'd rather lose a granny than have to listen to him while he's winning! I mean, Christ! It never stops! You'd think he was the second coming!!

  In the red corner of the rivalry is Jacob. Now, to look at the young lad you would think he was the most placid human on the planet. But I tell you, just wait until he loses a Match of anything... he turns into something dark, mysterious, and yes, something that could possibly be found foraging for corpses in a land settled quite firmly in Middle Earth... that's when you know the darkest of his characters has come out to play! He never raises his voice above a whisper, but his words are loaded! And I'll tell ya why... they hurt! But there is a dark truth to Jacob. He will talk to one person and tell them how good he is... at ANYTHING! But then he will find another person and brag about himself with THEM as well. Trouble is, he also likes to instigate unease within the ranks! I've heard some of the stories he has been telling about the Bush family; My sister, Claire, is on the game, apparently. My niece, Molly, is addicted to crack AND, most audaciously he's been telling people I'm a heroin addict! This is where I draw the line! Claire and Molly are not any of the disgusting things he claims. And I tell ya, when it comes to me! All I've got to say is... can I borrow twenty quid?... I'm joking of course, but he honestly does have a pretty salacious tongue!!!

  Now, if any of have (and I don't expect that you have) kept up with this blog, you may have noticed that a few guest posts have been... well, posted. Lee has posted and Jacob has posted. It was only in these posts that I realised that there was a rivalry at all! Yes, they may be gobby little shits over the Yahtzee board, but I had no idea about the venom that was apparently bubbling underneath! Under my nose, no less! To be honest, I never knew that Jacob had it in him! Like I said, he can throw a few barbed words around, but I had no idea that there was an apocalyptic current bubbling within him! Lee, well, yeah, I definitely knew he had it in him. I HAVE known him since he was a glint in his dad's nads!

  So I thought it was only fair that I, the BHO Yahtzee Organisation's chairman, should weigh in with an unbiased opinion and share what I think is REALLY going on! 

  I'll try my best at least!

Personally, in my own, unbiased opinion, all this began with chess... a wicked game. Nowhere near the angelic purity of Yahtzee. But either way, Lee decided to take it up, and in an effort to find opponents, he reached out to Jacob, who was more than happy to oblige! I think the main problem started when Jacob battered Lee at chess then eventually decided to tell Lee that he was actually part of a chess club in school. This did not sit well with Lee. So he has made it his personal mission to beat Jacob at chess at least once... this has not happened yet!

  Because of this, their rivalry has spilled over into all aspects of life. I actually caught them measuring each other's dongs. But even more serious than that... it's spilled over to Yahtzee!

 Don't get me wrong, I certainly understand why. Yahtzee is THE game, above all else, that gets played. But I still find it confusing. While it cannot be denied that in the Yahtzee Live Matches (every friday, 8pm GMT by the way) Jacob is somewhat of a savant! He can make scores appear, seemingly from his bumhole! But when it comes to in person Leagues or Championships, it has to be said, he's a bit mid. I do not say this out of spite, I myself, while being the BHO's Chairman, am disappointingly... heart wrenchingly... lower than mid! And Lee, my co-founder, is much the same (but unfortunately better than me)! They both have yet to win a League or a Championship, so why they would choose to bring their bitter rivalry into the Golden Echelons of the BHO is beyond me! You would think they would either stick to chess or choose another game to end their rivalry! Like noughts and crosses (or tic tac toe for you Yanks).

  This feud has got to such a point that it has started to have some devastating effects on both of them. A few weeks ago, Jacob nearly died. He now needs to wear a pacemaker on the OUTSIDE of his body until they can venture deep into his wiry frame and fit one for real! Lee has been getting so frustrated that he has started to lure stray beetles to his house just so he can... do... things to them. I'm not sure what, but it suffices to say that they aren't walking home afterwards! But the less said about that the better!

  They both seem to feel like (again, I'm unbiased) they have something to prove! But they really don't! Whether it is pure hatred, a need for oneupmanship, or whether there is just a thick funk of sexual tension in the air, I really don't know!

  But honestly lads, why can't we all just be friends? No hard feelings or hard things in the bum. Just plain and simple, honest to goodness, friends?!