Results
1. Miles - 210
2. Jacob - 199
Previously:
- Miles and Jacob were the best of besties.
- Miguel turned up.
- They fought for sole ownership of him.
- Miles lost.
- Miles was furious.
- Battled once again.
- Lost once again.
Summary
If there is one thing you can say about Miles is that he does not, will not and never, ever will accept defeat! So when he lost ownership of Miguel once again in the last grudge match, I knew it wouldn't be the end of things. Miles has been sitting in his bedroom, seething about his losses, so much so that he has even resorted to self harm. I was actually quite worried. For hours I would hear him listening to his dreary grunge music, which was bad enough. But when I found out that he was picking the scabs off his paper cuts, I knew I needed to intervene. I did what any semi sort of half, maybe quarter of a decent father would do! I told him that if he wanted Miguel, he should bloody well stand up to Jacob like a man and get Miguel back!
As it happens, Jacob and Miguel had been having problems! The thing is, Jacob knows that Miguel has feelings for Miles. This is not a good thing, primarily due to the fact that Jacob is an incredibly jealous lover! Miguel's life was becoming a bit of a misery, so he got in touch with Miles, who they had been corresponding with, pretty much since the very first grudge match! Do I condone such behaviour? Absolutely not! BUT, Jacob has shown himself to be quite the monster. For instance, the first time he caught Miguel corresponding with Miles, Jacob gave Miguel one of the worst Chinese burns I'd ever seen. I know, monster! I mean, what was next? A purple nurple? It was clear that Miguel needed help. And bless his little mexican heart, he was brave enough to let Miles know about Jacob's insidious behaviour.
Once Miles caught wind of Miguel's predicament, he was furious. He contacted Jacob immediately. He gave him a few choice words that I can't really repeat here. But he also called him out to the whole of the BHO! Jacob couldn't believe that Miles would just throw down on him so publicly. BUT, because he had no choice, he accepted Miles's invitation to battle, knowing that he might lose Miguel and end up in the very arms of the one person Jacob had fears about in the first place.
The BHO was flipping out about the coming match between Jacob and Miles, so when the day finally came, we were all there. Thankfully, Miles was early. If they had shown up at the same time, there could have been some serious blood spilled. Thankfully Jacob and Miguel showed up a good hour later. But when Miles and Jacob actually saw each other... well, let me tell you, it took all of the BHO members to keep them seperated. But, eventually, we managed to keep things sporting. However, the looks that were shooting between the two of them was terrifying. It felt like a bad night at the OK Corral... and most of us know how that ended... if not, Google it, you ignorants!
There were death stares aplenty while the match got set up. We managed to calm both competitors down (sort of) by giving them a couple of Kinder Buenos each.... it usually works. But then it was time, the board was set, the dice were ready and play was about to commence!
It hardly needs to be stated that it was a tense match. Many times innocent bystanders had to step in to keep the proceedings from becoming violent. It also didn't help that the match was a close one. Not one of them had the upper hand through the entirety of it. The spectators were an absolute picture of tension. Some were sweating, some were crying, some had wet themselves and some had gone all the way and shit themselves. So believe me when I say that the atmosphere was full of tension.... and now various other odours.
Both Jacob and Miles played like their lives depended on it. But, it does seem, given their scores, that the occasion got to them, which is totally understandable. But their scores were rubbish... No, they really WERE rubbish!
And then... it was time for the final rolls... Jacob went first. By the end of his turn, you could tell that he was happy. He gave Miles a sassy look and gave him one of them Jerry Springer clicks in front of his face, but Miles was unfazed. Miles took his last turn, and it was just enough to beat Jacob. Miles roared in victory, Miguel screamed in happiness and minced straight over to Miles. Jacob, however, was not happy. He tried to throw his weight around, but that amounted to a feather duster been swung in an updraft.
Miles and Miguel embraced, and... well, y'know. But for now they were reunited. I don't know if Jacob has the gumption to fight for him again, but for now at least, Miguel and Miles ran off into the sunset to start their new future. Or, at the very least, get down and greasy. Either way, well done Miles, you were a man in this situation! Let's just hope you're the man in the situation you get Miguel into later!
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