Results
1. Russell - 292 (11pts)
2. Jacob - 273 (10pts)
3. Faith - 258 (9pt)
4. Lee - 226 (8pts)
5. Claire - 219 (7pts)
6. Kerrie - 211 (6pts)
=7. Neil - 202 (5pts)
=7. Chris - 202 (5pts)
9. Chloe - 201 (3pts)
10. Grace - 163 (2pts)
11. Millie - 155 (1pt)
Summary
A ruckus had descended upon the House of Carlsberg (Claire's house) for 'twas the night that my illustrated nephew, Lee, was celebrating his 21st birthday. And what a ruckus it was. There was alcohol consumed, smelly green leaves imbibed (not by the more sensible among us) and there were arguments had... hang on! Doesn't that happen every bloody week?!
Anyway, as it was a celebration of the anniversary of when Lee slithered out of his mother, I was not going to bring up Yahtzee as I have been moaned at about this before and I was not about to get moaned at again. Neil and Russell, however, clearly didn't get the memo as they brought it up and every other bugger looked at me as if I'd had something to do with it. The cheek! As it turns out though, most, if not all involved were actually up for it. Typical! But whatever, I was up for it, it IS my favourite thing to do, isn't it?
Russell took the top spot in the match this week. He must have felt pretty lucky, which is probably the reason for getting the match going, the crafty old crumbly. This isn't the only time my old man has been this crafty. He used to play poker in his younger days, in the Old West. It didn't always end well either. In fact that's how he managed to get so good with a six shooter. He had to blaze his way out of many a saloon, defending himself from the unlucky drunkard that had just lost all his money to him. Truth is, he was never any good at poker, he just carried a marked deck and shafted players out their hard earned robberies. In fact, maybe we need to watch him a bit closer while he plays Yahtzee. He remains first in the League and it's now his to lose!
Jacob came second in the match, giving a good account of himself for the first time in a while. He had come bearing gifts this evening, but not for the birthday boy. As I may have mentioned, Jacob is a dab hand with the crochet needles (or whatever they're called) and he had crocheted my youngest daughter, Heidi, a plush Stitch, one half of Lilo and Stitch as I'm sure you're fully aware. My daughter is absolutely obsessed with Stitch as most six year olds are at the moment, so this little surprise went down well! Perhaps it was Heidi's little doe eyes of gratitude that gave him the boost he needed for such a good result, or maybe it was the fact that there was a good distance between Claire and himself so he felt relatively safe that did it. We may never know. What we do know is that Jacob moves from fifth in the League up to joint fourth. It's not much, but it's something!
Now, it may seem incredibly early in the summary, but I swear I'm not fibbing. Faith... let that sink in... Faith finished third in the match. And d'ya know what? I couldn't be happier. I knew she had it in her! Wish I was. Anyway, ahem, she did bloody well and good on her, but there are a mere two matches left in the League, so the best she can hope for is an improvement in her League position and hopefully she can hold on to those killer insincts until League four! She does improve her position in the League this week though, moving from the bottom up to tenth. It's a start!
Lee, the birthday boy, came fourth in the match. I would let you all know about all the birthday goodies he recieved, but the truth of the matter is that he wouldn't tell us. Now, far be it from me to assume, but I have known him for twenty one years, I know all of his quirks and unfortunately all of his kinks, so I'm assuming they all have, to some degree, something to do with the pleasures of the flesh. I do know he asked for a wooden kitchen ladle, but I didn't dare ask why! He remains seventh in the league.
Claire, fresh from her day in court, came fifth in the match. Jacob really had no choice. Claire gave him no option. One minute Jacob is settling down to a good five hour session of World of Warcraft, the next time he looks up from his computer screen and removes his headphones, he hears heavy breathing. It's only when he musters up the courage to look behind his shoulder does he really know what's going on... Claire, splayed out on his bed (on his Sonic bedspread, no less) in her birthday suit asking if he fancied a ride in the "cavern of wonder". Needless to say, Jacob bolted out of the room and called the law. To be fair to Jacob, he did not want to take out a full restraining order as he's committed to Yahtzee, but the judge did make her promise that she'd keep her grubby hands off him and keep her bloody clothes on. She was reluctant to agree, but really she had no choice. Because of this, she was on her best behaviour. Not that it helped her score. She remains third in the League.
Kerrie came sixth in the match. She was unable to attend the match in person so she submitted her score using our online facility. This, I think, causes problems of it's own. If you've ever met Kerrie, one of the first things you might notice about her are her nails. This lady is never without her perfectly manicured acrylic nails. They are a sight to behold. But they're often long. I could be wrong, but she does often seem to struggle using technology with them. She is not the only one. On many occasions I have witnessed many a member of the female species contort their hands in order to type a simple text message, merely due to the length of their nails. This is the reason I think Kerrie's result may be down to the nails. The online Yahtzee game we use can be a pain in the arse to use if you have no nails, so I would hate to attempt it with them. This is only a thought however, Kerrie has had these nails pretty since the womb, so she should be a pro with them by now! Kerrie moves from fourth in the League all on her lonesome to joint fourth alongside Jacob.
Neil, or "The Troll" finished joint seventh in the match. Why do I call him the troll? Well, because he looks like he should live under a bridge and trouble anybody that may wish to cross it. He has the same bolshy attitude as a troll too. There are also bad things I could say about him, but I'll leave that for now... for NOW! He remains sixth in the League. The **** (I'll leave it to you to decide which four letters I used).
I came joint seventh with Neil. This saddens me greatly. I really needed a decent score if I was to keep up with the old man (Russell) who is currently smirking at me with his shit eating grin from the top spot! My fantastic run of great scores has now left me high and dry, it didn't even leave me a Dear John letter! My victory is in the lap of the Yahtzee Gods now, and we know how well they've treated me in the past!!! I remain second in the League. Boo. Hoo.
Chloe, The "Turk Whisperer" finished ninth in the match. Now, I have talked lots and lots... and lots about players being distracted in these summaries, but when it comes to Chloe, she's never just distracted, she's on a whole different planet! This planet is filled with the many people that have done her wrong, or merely just attempted to talk to her. It's also full of work colleagues she can't stand because "they" have got issues. But it's not all bad. It's also full of lazy Turkish evenings, long romantic walks on the beach with some fella with a golden complexion and getting sand in places that sand really has no place in being. So it isn't all bad, it just doesn't leave much room for anything else, including Yahtzee it would seem. But I do believe that if she could just bring herself back to planet earth for an hour a week, she could do far better than she did on this particular evening. She does, however, move from ninth in the League to joint eighth.
Grace found herself finishing tenth in the match. This is just one week after coming first in the League match. Normally I would just mention this fact and move on (maybe not) but last week's win was followed by a message from Grace revelling in her victory and telling us we were all shit at Yahtzee. Not being the type to gloat, I'll leave it at that... but... HOW DOES IT FEEL NOW, WENCH?!?!?!?! Sorry about that. She remains eighth in the League, but for now she shares it with Chloe.
And then there was Millie, last... for a change... She did have an excuse however. It was her fella's birthday, so she was very busy tending to his every need. If he said he was hungry, she made him a sandwich, if he said his back hurt, she'd rub it, if he said he wanted pegging... well, you get the idea. Unfortunately, none of these things helped her with her performance (Yahtzee performance that is), so it's bottom of the pile once again for the doting Welsh woman. She moves from tenth in the League down to eleventh.
League Table as of 30/08/25
1. Russell - 102pts
2. Chris - 93pts
3. Claire - 91pts
=4. Kerrie - 88pts
=4. Jacob - 88pts
6. Neil - 77pts
7. Lee - 75pts
=8. Grace - 68pts
=8. Chloe - 68pts
10. Faith - 59pts
11. Millie - 54pts
Comments
Post a Comment