Results
1. Chris - 327 (11pts)
2. Russell - 324 (10pts)
3. Millie - 321 (9pts)
4. Kerrie - 279 (8pts)
5. Lee - 230 (7pts)
6. Grace - 217(6pts)
7. Neil - 208 (5pts)
8. Claire - 194 (4pts)
9. Jacob - 181 (3pts)
10. Faith - 137 (2pts)
11. Chloe - 119 (1pt)
Summary
It was the penultimate match. Foreheads were moist with sweat and bumholes were twitching. The atmosphere was so thick you could cut it with a knife. That could have been the tension but it also could been due to Claire squelching a fart from her ample behind that could only be described as "The revenge of Chernobyl". Despite the nerves and Claire's obvious bowel disorder, we got underway.
I took the top spot in the match. It was just the result I needed to stay in arms length of League victory. I ducked, I dived, I played like a savant. Well, I won anyway. The only trouble is, I'm kinda relying on the old fella, Russell, to slip up so I could just nudge ahead of him! I remain second in the League.
Russell, however, decided he wasn't going to slip up. He finished second in the match and infuriated me in the process! Unfortunately, for me at least, he bobbed and weaved like a master. He reminded me of the time he was in the airforce during WWII. He was an exceptional pilot. He could make his plane bob and weave like a hummingbird. He was an absolute magician at his craft. If only he wasn't fighting for the Germans. The treacherous git remains first in the League.
Millie came third in the match, putting up yet another fine score. It might be a bit late in the day, but she's on a bit of a tear right now. I have been racking my brains as to how this could be. But I think I've come up with a theory: It's the happy plant, the ganja, the zaza! When her fella, Lee, is on it he becomes one of the walking dead. This does not happen with Millie though, she becomes alive, talkative, sharper, keener in the brain department. Does this count as a performance enhancing drug? I'm not sure, I will have to have a word with the committee, but for now, she's doing great. She moves from eleventh up to tenth in the League.
Kerrie came fourth in the match with a very respectable score. I'm not sure, but the sparkle she had in League Two seems to be emerging once again, like a phoenix from the flames. I'm not too proud to say that in the last League Kerrie played like a paid assassin. She moved swiftly, through the shadows, just waiting for the perfect momemt to get that second Yahtzee. And boy did she do it well. I'm getting the same feeling here. We definitely need to keep an eye on her in the next League, for sure, but this time around, I think (in fact, I know) she's left it a little too late. She improves her position in the League from joint fourth up to third.
Lee came fifth in the match, which is a position we have come to expect from him. This is a sad state of affairs that we can only hope improves in other Leagues. We do want a bit of competition after all. Don't get me wrong, he hasn't been terrible in the League, but he's a far cry from the Lee-Lee of old. But time, as it so often does, has passed and things have changed. He has become quieter during matches, which is worrying. He's also become a bit more numb in the brain, but that's his choice. But even so, I'm still concerned. I have a suspicion, and to be clear, that is all it is, a suspicion, but I think he might be a victim of domestic abuse. I have noticed Millie get louder as Lee has got quiter. Now, we could blame this all on the demon weed, but I don't think so. Even when Millie, the Welsh princess, was at her quietest, she has always been a feisty one. Until I'm sure, I'll leave it at that. But, Lee, just know, there are places you can go, refuges for men in such situations. We love you boy. However, he moves from seventh in the League up to joint sixth.
Grace finished sixth in the match. A bit of a middling score, but she can be forgiven as she is soon to be homeless. It turns out that Jordan's (her boyfriend's) parents have had enough of the pair of them... and Wales. They are desperate to escape them two moochers and move to a less incesty part of the United Kingdom. To be fair, who can blame them? Grace and Jordan will be fine though, they'll find a barn somewhere with all the sheep they can manage. Heaven! Grace moves from joint eighth in the League to eighth all on her own.
Neil came seventh in the match. Recently, Neil actually did one of those DNA tests that send you results back and tell you where you come from and who you are related to. It came up with mind blowing results. He is actually actually a very distant relative of King Cnut! An actual king! All this time we have been playing with a decendent of royalty! It's ironic that we've been getting the letters of his ancester mixed up for all these years. Maybe it was a sign. He moves from sixth in the League to joint sixth with Lee.
Claire came eighth in the match. She is quickly becoming a fading star in the Yahtzee Hall of Fame (like there is such a thing). For too long now she has been blessing us with such shitty results that I'm beginning to wonder where here true heart lies. Come on Claire, is it burnt bacon sandwiches on mouldy bread, or Yahtzee glory? You need to decide girl!. She moves from third in the League down to fourth. Tut... tut... tut...
Jacob is another high profiled performer that has shit the bed lately, finishing ninth in the match. He has certainly gone off the boil. This could, in fairness, have something to do with the drama between Claire and himself, but I doubt it. Claire has moved on, and we'll keep you updated later. It's unfair to name names before all the facts have been collated. Jacob too has moved on. He met a North Korean "lady" online that goes by the name of Tong, 21 . They are an avid player of World of Warcraft, which, as I have mentioned, is a huge turn on for Jacob. I, however, was a bit suspicious, so I did a bit of research. It turns out that Tong is actually a fella called Norman. He's 56 and he lives in Croydon. This leaves me in a predicament. Do I tell him (he's so happy), or do I keep it to myself (until he feels Norman's balls slapping against his own)? I am honestly conflicted, any help would be appreciated! Jacob moves from joint fourth in the League down to fifth.
Faith finished tenth in the match. At least it wasn't last this time! She has been preoccupied lately though. It must be hard for her to concentrate on Yahtzee whilst simultaneously bollocking me for breathing in the wrong direction. It's a lot to deal with, so who can blame her. She moves from tenth in the League down to the very bottom. COME ON FAITH!!
And then there's Chloe. Dead last in the match. I thought scores couldn't get this dreary. But apparently they can. I don't know what's going on! Maybe she has fallen out with her sandy companion, or perhaps work is getting on top of her. For context, she works far too much for a woman of her age. She should be going out and adding notches to her bedpost (even though she has enough notches for three people and the bed is falling apart), not panicking about work related nonsense. Chloe, life is not as serious as you think it is, even if it might be a lot more serious than I think it is! Take a break, have a rest, and reach out to Abdul. She moves from joint eighth in the League down to ninth.
League Table as of 06/09/25
1. Russell - 112pts
2. Chris - 104pts
3. Kerrie - 96pts
4. Claire - 95pts
5. Jacob - 91pts
=6 Neil - 82pts
=6. Lee - 82pts
8. Grace - 74pts
9. Chloe - 69pts
10. Millie - 63pts
11. Faith - 61pts
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