Match Results
1. Jacob - 269
2. Russell - 255
3. Chris - 223
4. Millie - 180
5. Miles - 132
6. Claire - 118
Summary
Friday rolled around again with all the regularity of my father's haemorrhoids. It was a sufficiently attended affair, involving the usual suspects... and Miles.
Jacob, the slimy, wirey, chisel chinned nob jockey came first... again... just like the PRICK that he is! He is seriously beginning to test my patience, and I'm a patient man, but now everytime I see his face I can't help but imagine my boot print on it! So when I say well done, Jacob, you can be sure that I mean it with the least sincerity imaginable!
Russell took second spot. Which was actually a fantastic result. Why? Well, if you'd have seen the way his match had started, you would agree! He started off playing like a double armed amputee trying to knock one out! But he managed to pull it back, unlike the amputee, and he could have bloody won and all! He was so close, a fly's pube away from victory!! Hard luck Russell! You'll get the long haired knitter next time!!!
I came third, with an okay, sort of, good... ish score. Oh, who am I kidding? My score was shit because I didn't win and this is not optimal! I accept nothing less than victory! This is unfortunate, as victory is a bit of an every now and again sort of thing with me! I don't always take a loss very well either. I have been known to take myself of to a darkened room, sit in front of a mirror and pluck nasal hairs as I berate myself over the loss through gritted teeth and dribbly eyes. It's my process...
Millie, the Welsh Godess, came fourth. Why is she now the Welsh Goddess when I have spent 99% of all our match summaries mocking her for being Welsh? Well, first of all, being Welsh is actually amusing to me. Don't ask me why, I'm a big, grey, overly rotund man-child. But when it comes right down to it and you forget about the sheep diddling, Millie is the greatest, sweetest AND kindest addition to our family since I joined it! She is also an incredibly talented and vastly under appreciated artist. You may be asking why I'm saying all of this... well, in all honesty it is because I love her and it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the BHO and I may have a use for her artistic talents... no, I'm not a brown noser... you are!! Millie... we'll talk... smoochie smoochie xxxxxx.
Miles came fifth with a bit of a dismal score! This confused me at first because everytime I looked over at him he seemed to be concentrating incredibly hard! Turns out, though, that he was not concentrating on the Yahtzee match but how best to batter me, his father, with a bamboo stick. It turns out he got his way. It also turns out that I'm a bit of a glutton for punishment as I eventually accepted his offer of playing a very different form of dice "game"! The game he had been devising during the match. It was a simple game, whoever got the lowest roll of the dice got walloped by the aforementioned bamboo stick! I didn't win very often and I now hurt all over!
Finally, Claire came sixth, with another, increasingly common, dismal score! Claire, I honestly don't know what to say, but the fact of the matter is that League Four is right around the corner, so something drastic needs to happen... and FAST! Otherwise you are gonna get lost in the dust young lady! IN THE DUST!!!
Well, that was this Friday's Live match summary. Don't forget, if you're a member, you can join in too if you fancy it. Just keep an eye on the blog or on our Discord. You can also email me at bhoyahtzeeorg@gmail.com for any queries you might have.
See you next time, homies!!
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