There are those that play Yahtzee, love playing Yahtzee, join the BHO and are there to play their matches as often as is humanly possible. Then there are the players that play Yahtzee, join the BHO, commit to competitions then avoid playing as much as is humanly possible, whether they enjoy it or not! These are the match dodgers.
Now, I'm not claiming that the match dodger does not enjoy Yahtzee in the slightest. They probably love it just as much as I do. BUT, I don't think that they consider what it takes to be a COMPETITIVE Yahtzee player. They do get warned before any competition goes forward that they are expected to either attend or at least submit their scores in a timely fashion. This can come as a great shock to some players as they are not at all used to being prompt about anything, so when it comes to Yahtzee, they just tend to ignore it. That is until someone, like me, who is fastidious to the point of annoyance, badgers them into doing what is right and proper and finish what they started.
I do have a case study. I don't normally name names in these types of posts but I thought it was important this time around as it perfectly exemplifies my point...
I have a niece. Her name is Molly. She is an interesting creature. On the one hand she is the sweetest, kindest and friendliest human(?) you would ever want to meet. On the other hand she is a drooling piss head that sleeps most of the day and needs about six months notice if you expect her to do anything. She reminds me a lot of myself, for better or worse! Choose whichever parts apply! Because of these traits she can be one of the worst match dodgers that the good Lord has deemed fit to grace us with.
It matters not the level of interest the match dodger has in Yahtzee, be they semi-interested, pretty interested or an absolute fanatic. The fact of the matter is (if I'm discussing them) they have made the commitment to take part in whichever competition they chose to take part in. The match dodger does not in anyway think like this. Nor does Molly. She was with us in League Two, and she was a bloody nightmare to wrangle. So much so that I literally have PTSD now. She would make all kinds of excuses not to play. Let me give you some examples:
• I'm out (pretty typical)
• I'm drunk (pretty predictable)
• Meeting someone (argument)
• Meeting someone (to pick up drugs)
• Meeting someone (to take drugs)
• Meeting someone (shag)
• Poorly (hungover)
• Busy (asleep)
I could go on, but I won't bore you. Now, not all match dodger's excuses will be the same. In fact, excuses not to play are often as unique as our fingerprints. Either way, you will always spot them a bloody mile away! This leads me to ask the question: why agree to play in the first flipping place?! I ask myself this question time and time again!
I think the answer lies somewhere in the fact that while they do enjoy Yahtzee, maybe even love Yahtzee, like I have said, but they are just a bit weak minded. They struggle to compartmentalise their lives that includes the myriad of amazing things they have got to do. If you have other obligations that's fine, but what really chaffes my arse crack is when you set a date and everyone agrees, then last minute, sometimes the last second, they have something better to do.
Once again, let's look at Molly for an example. "Something better" to Molly is the merest wiff of a bit of drama. Like I said, she is a good, kind hearted person, but if she has one flaw (she has many) it's that she loves drama like a smackhead loves heroin. She just can't stay away from it. So much so that she's not beyond starting it herself. This is unfortunate, but again, unfortunately, not uncommon amongst people her age. Something I just cannot understand! Who the hell doesn't just want a straightforward and peacefullly quiet life?! Honestly though, if she can remember the name of the person that run over her foot with a trike in play group when she was two years of age she would get online and start a Facebook war!
But what can we, the individuals that love this great sport (yes, sport) do to help these poor waifs and strays? Good question. I do have a couple of untried and untested ideas that might just work, but I will preface them by saying that if the Match Dodger you are having trouble with is anything like our very own Molly, forget it, they're too far gone. She can dodge any match just as well as she can dodge any liquid that doesn't contain a percentage of alcohol, so don't even bother! But if you feel that they can be brought back from the brink, try one of these.
Firstly, if you ever manage to find them, you could try good old discipline. This could be in the form of a firm telling off, light spanking, waterboarding or a good old mock execution. I'd stop short of actual execution if I were you, too much paperwork.
Alternatively, if you happen to spot them in the wild, shackle them and take them back to your lair/dungeon/fortress of solitude until they they actually play the game they promised to play from the start!
Or you could just ask them really nicely not to be such a tit.
So I guess, in conclusion, the overarching point of this whole post is; please people, for the sake of those fastidious humans with an almost obsessive compulsive need to get at least just one thing in a week done: don't commit to something if you are not sure you actually want to commit! I love all of you dice based game fondlers! I love you as if you were my own younglings. But I have to admit, it causes me great anxiety and a fair bit of anger to have to chase you little gits around in order to get a simple score out of you all!
This may sound incredibly selfish of me, and I guess it is, but every bugger else in this weird world we live in nowadays is selfish, so why not me? Don't you dare judge me!
I'm joking of course, but as the great philosopher Barry Chuckle once said: "Promptness is one step away from Godliness!" And if we can learn anything from anybody, we can all agree, it's the Chuckle Brothers!
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| Molly the Match Dodger |
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