There is a huge temptation for any person that plays any sport or competitive endeavour IF they turn out to be successful with it. That temptation is to get a bit too big for your boots. There is also a temptation to be a huge pompous twat with a huge chip on your shoulder, that walks around like Jimmy Big Bollocks, arms spread as if you've got a classy hooker on each arm (or crack hoes, dependingon your standards). This is an undesirable trait, and if you keep up with that attitude, pretty soon you'll find yourself running out of opponents. And, if you think about it objectively, TRULY objectively, who can blame them? Who wants to sit opposite a gobby little shite that thinks they are God's gift to the dice board? Certainly not me!
But... I do have a confession to make. This did used to be me, very early on, and in the interest of full disclosure, I was the very pompous twat I am talking about. I even called myself the Yahtzee King, until I realised that I'm actually quite shit at it. Christ, even thinking about that these days is enough to give me kidney stones! But, thank the heavens I was to quickly learn that I am nowhere near a Yahtzee God. And I have also learned that not one of the people I have played can claim to be such either AND it's also pretty unlikely that any of you are going to be God's gift to Yahtzee either! So I'm asking, for common decency's sake, let's not act like we are, it's incredibly unbecoming. I've learned my lesson in the most demeaning way (by being destroyed by so many opponents) and believe me, you don't want that! Don't worry, I'll tell you why...
The possesion of a huge ego and a mouth to match can be a huge burden to those around you, and if you're one of those people you need to be aware of the damage you are doing and also the damage that may come your way too! Being a cocky little wind bag is one of the most distracting things that can happen around the Yahtzee board. It creates a negative atmosphere and it can put people off their game, a cardinal sin in Yahtzee. While this may sound like a great tactic in order to gain the upper hand in a match, and I'm not gonna lie, it is effective, but you need to weigh this "tactic's" benefits against it's drawbacks. Yes, you will put your opponents off their game, but the reason they're now not concentrating on the game is because they're too busy fantasising about punching you square in the face! For most competitors, fantasy is as far as it will go, but it only takes that one disgruntled person with a slightly short fuse and... BANG! You're seeing stars. Or the clinical fluorescent lights that they have in the ER. So you need to ask yourself; Is it really worth the risk?
Just supposing that isn't reason enough to keep your swollen head in check, then consider this; If you keep up your misguided bravado, you are eventually going to end up playing by yourself! That's right, on your stony lonesome, just like that eighteenth birthday party you organised, when you invited 215 of your "best" pals then it ended up being just you and your mum dancing to Careless Whisper. Take it as a warning; If you continue down the shady alley of the egoist then people will get wise to you. They will do one of two things. They will either get so pissed off at you that they'll just refuse to play with you OR they'll get so pissed off with that they'll goad you into losing and tear you a new arse hole if you do. And honestly, who can blame them? Let's face it, you really do deserve it don't ya!
Easily the most infuriating trait of a pompous, egotistical, "I would penetrate myself if I could" type of human are those that keep up the murder enticing charade even when they play, or are playing, like absolute shite! They rarely win games, coast mid table during Leagues but STILL mouth off like they're the Emperor of Rome. If this is you, be ashamed, but pay attention, because boy, does it get my (and most other people's) ire, but mainly it's just plain baffling... and embarrassing! I can understand (if not condone) you being a bit full of yourself if you're winning most weeks and making a serious name for yourself. But to be a cocky twot when you're losing?! Really?! Not only is it irritating to all involved but it's downright bloody embarrassing for you! Do you not see this?! Are you so IGNORANT to yourself and your actions?! It defies all logic to me! The fact of the matter is though, the more you carry on, the more angry, frustrated and annoyed with you your competitors become. Another thing I just do not understand; Why do you want to spend your well earned spare time with other people just being annoyed at you? I understand that some people really get off on this type of thing for whatever reason, but surely your behaviour is simply tiring and not worth it. But bafflingly, (and, if this is you, I would really like to know why, genuinely, get in touch) you just carry on regardless, and you're certainly not impressing anybody, so the only question is... why?
If, and I'm not accussing anybody, but IF this is you, you need to cast off the shackles of your own pomposity and get yourself some rehab before it's too late and you find yourself all alone, playing with yourself (you dirty thing)! Overcoming your ego won't be easy and you WILL suffer, but it's worth it. So, what can you do? Well, the journey towards smug twat sobriety is not an easy one (as stated), luckily the steps you need to take to get there is really rather simple. It just takes a little practice. Come on, hold my hand, I'll walk you through it!
First of all, and this is so bum itchingly obvious I feel daft for even mentioning it but the egotistical tend to be a bit blind to the obvious, if you're in a match and you roll a great score, or your opponents roll a crappy score, it IS okay to say nothing. Yes, nothing. There is no need to stand up and cackle like some mad witch from Oz, making sure even the neighbours know about your "amazing" proficiency at Yahtzee. You also don't need to point at laugh at someone else if they roll a duff score! Silence IS an option! I'm not saying you can't be happy about a decent roll, but just a quiet little fist bump to yourself will do, or a muted "yesssss". More importantly, it won't piss off your competitors and make them want to stab you while you sleep. Keep your emotions in check. Your friends will thank you for it... Before they are not your friends anymore.
Winning a match, especially a large (attendance wise) or important match comes with a feeling like no other. It is only natural that you would want to celebrate your victory. But there are ways and means of doing it. It's okay to express joy and maybe an exclamation of pleasure (not an orgasm, more like a "woo-hoo"), but it is not okay to jump out of your seat howling, pointing at each of your fellow competitors and exclaiming "IN YOUR FACE" to each of them. I mean, come on, have some decorum! If you maintain decorum, you will almost certainly find yourself in pleasant company, and you might just avoid being shanked. The order of the day (or any other day you're playing) is grace and dignity. Don't be a jackass, whether you win or lose, just behave like a gentleman, shake hands and smile, even if you don't mean it. This isn't always easy, I know. I've been there and acted like a twat myself! If it was a particularly close match, or you were sure you were gonna win, but don't, it can be a pretty hard pill to swallow. Now, I'm not suggesting you should be some sort of robotic mute, of course not! You're human. Expressing one's pleasure or displeasure is entirely normal, it's just how you choose to do it. Think of it this way, if you're "expressing" yourself and the other people are looking at you like you've just killed their nan that they have spent half the match talking about in a rather concerned fashion, you've probably gone a bit too far. It can take a bit of practice if you're not used to conducting yourself like a human being, but trust me it's worth it. But, if you manage it, you'll undoubtedly find yourself still being able to play our fine game of Yahtzee each week. And people will (possibly) still like you. AND you won't be dead.
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