DISCLAIMER: I'm joking, ya snowflakes!!
In normal, everyday life, I'm a bit of a mess. I'm all over the place, to be honest. Everything that needs to be done can wait, including... well, everything... except Yahtzee. Many of my fellow faction members will tell you this, but they will also tell you that when it comes to Yahtzee, I am irritatingly prompt. This can often aggravate them, but in my defence, it's kind of my job. I coordinate the matches and make sure they get played, so while I sympathise with them, if I wasn't so "organised", we wouldn't get anywhere. That's not to say that there is no-one else capable of doing it, far from it, but it's fallen on me to get the matches played, so that's exactly what I do, primarily because I'm the fella that started this whole thing, and if you're gonna talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk.
However, you can be as fastidious as you like with match organisation, but there will come a time when getting a match together is just not possible. Since I introduced the split matches (see the blog for info) it has certainly reduced the amount of postponements, but it certainly isn't a cure-all remedy.
There are are many situations that might occur that people consider a valid reason for a match cancellation, but these reasons are not all created equal. The "valid reasons" are usually subjective and the type of reason usually depends upon your commitment to competitive Yahtzee, by which I mean their are some that place more importance on competitive Yahtzee than others, not that they don't care or can't be arsed.
You can look at commitment to Yahtzee rather like a spectrum; on one end of the spectrum you have the uber committed player who wouldn't miss a match for love nor money. In fact, if they were breathing their very last but there was a Legue to finish, they would cling on to life just to get it done. On the other end of the spectrum are those that might have played Yahtzee a couple of times but they would probably prefer to draw their last breaths than play another game in their lifetime. Somewhere in the middle are those that love Yahtzee, but they also have actual lives and sometimes real life takes precedence. So you see, the reasons to cancel a match may differ significantly depending on who you're talking to. Conversely, the reciept of and reception to these reasons will also differ significantly, depending on who you're talking to. For example, I would consider myself on the "so committed that it's annoying to all around me" end of the spectrum, so if someone told me that they couldn't make a match because they had been in a car accident and they couldn't walk, my question to that would be "do your arms still work?". Bloody malingerers. But that's just me.
This troubled me. Yahtzee is about fun, togetherness and most of all... winning. Nothing can rob Yahtzee of all three of those quite like a dispute over scheduling. In fact, often times, the dispute can often last longer than the actual cancelled match, which, I think you would agree, is not optimal! So i took the liberty of compiling a list of common "reasons" for a match cancellation from the perspective of an uber committed player and also a list from the semi-committed players. It's not worth discussing the non-committed reasons, as they will almost certainly not play under any circumstances anyhow. Hopefully, with any luck, this will help you to understand, if not agree with, players other than yourself.
Ultra Committed Cancellations
1. Terrorist attack
In this dark, seedy, depressing, miserable world we live in, terrorist attacks definitely still occur. These are, without a doubt, abhorrent acts of violence that have no place in civilised society. If you happened to be a victim of such an attack, I would 110% accept this as a reason not to be able to attend a scheduled match. At the end of the day, who would attend a frivolous meeting to play a board game?? And I know what you're thinking. You're expecting me to make some kind of joke here, but no, there is nothing funny about terrorism! But... if you still happen to have your phone on you, couldn't you at least play an online match??
2. Death In The Family
This is possibly one of the most heartbreaking events that can happen to anybody. There is nothing worse than losing someone you love, so I can totally understand why you might not feel like a game of Yahtzee. Take your time, grieve. However... if you ARE ultra committed, it might be a good idea to pretend that your lost loved one was a huge Yahtzee fan and their last wish was to play one last game. There may be a few raised eyebrows, but if you convince the rest... BINGO! You can mourne your loved one AND get your match in... DOUBLE TROUBLE!!
3. Lightning Strike
Apparently, being struck by lightning tends to sting a bit. I couldn't tell you as I have never been there. And nor have you, ya pompous gits. Either way, it's a pretty decent reason to get out of a game of Yahtzee. And if this is you and you have been struck by lightning, you have my sympathies, but in future, don't piss off Zeuss! There isn't really a good way that a lightning strike victim could really make a Yahtzee match after such an event, be it online or otherwise as they're probably overwhelmed by the odour of fried chicken. I know I would be... This is one of very few excuses that I wouldn't argue with. Just don't "suffer" too long!
4. Freak Firework Accident
I don't know about the rest of the world, but England has a bit of a reputation for being quite irresponsible with fireworks. But that's the English for ya, they see intructions as a personal defeat, or at least the men do, I can't speak for women, although, ironically it seems half of the women out there have bigger ball sacks than me these days! So, I don't know... I'M SO CONFUSED!!!! Anyway, back to the point; if the unlucky (or stupid) person involved in the firework accident happened to be holding the thing at the time, then there is little hope trying to convince them to make the scheduled match. In fact, they may never play again, so you might wanna get used to that.
5. Act of God
When most people think "act of God" they think natural disaster; earthquake, tsunami, tornado, volcanic eruption etc. These are truly devastating incidents, truly capable of causing untold devastation to thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of of people. I cannot even begin to argue with that fact. Nor would I. But... is it really a reason to cancel a game of Yahtzee? Let's look at this a bit closer...
Many ultra committed Yahtzee players carry dice with them just in case a match breaks out. So, let's for instance say that said player gets caught in an avalanche and they have their phone and their dice on them whilst been buried under fifteen feet of snow. What else are they gonna do while waiting for rescue? Exactly! No need to cancel a bloody match when waiting for rescue! Again, what else are you gonna do?! Same goes for an earthquake. Are you telling me you can't play because you're house is a bit messy... or destroyed? Of course not. Honestly, some people will come up with any old excuse. Pfft!
But it gets worse, because now I'm getting to the semi committed players... hold on to your dentures!
Semi-Committed Cancellations
1. Illness In The Family
What?! Illness in the family?! I understand that you may need to be around to look after those that are afflicted with illness when it happens, but can we all agree that the ill are so flipping needy?? At the end of the day if you have a match to play, then play it! If they stop breathing in the meantime, give them a slap! This will usually bring them around long enough for you to finish the match. If not, just finish the match, then hope it's not too late. It's not rocket science, durr...
2. Holidays
Ohhhhhh, these people really grind my gears! Some people have this crazy inclination that they need "time away". This could be time away at a foreign or local destination with the family, a romantinc weekend away as a couple to try and jump start what is left of their sex life (when it would probably be better off with a mortician. Trust me.) or just time away from the normality of life. More often than not, in any or all of these scenarios, a break from Yahtzee, is usually included. Selfish, selfish people. Yahtzee can take as little as ten minutes per match or a maximum of an hour per match, depending on the amount of players. Whichever it is it has to be: A) more preferable than spending time with your kids (I've met my opponent's kids); B) more preferable than getting squidgy with your spouse (I've met my opponent's spouses); C) more preferable than binging that Netflix series you've been meaning to watch because that one twat at work told you it's awesome (Netflix is shit). Don't get me wrong, everyone is entitled to a break... just... not from Yahtzee...
3. "Other" Engagements
The number one reason for a match cancellation; "I have over plans". This, obviously, is fine, IF, the plans were made before the match was organised. But there are people out there that just decide on a whim to let everyone down just because they got a "better" offer. The absolute bloody cheek of it. For a start, there is NO better offer than a match of Yahtzee, people need to learn this. If you do go swanning off with your new boyfriend/girlfriend that you met twelve hours earlier and now are suddenly besotted with because they have a nice arse, we do play split matches. There's nothing stopping you playing an online match to get the job done while chowing down on your seafood linguine. If your date is a good person, they will understand. Honestly, you people, you just don't try hard enough!
4. Simply Can't be bothered
This, this is the one!!!! Please, let me clarify something right off the bat; if you aren't a fan of Yahtzee and are not wanting to play.... this is absolutely fine. But what really clamps my nipples are those people that perform with almost religious type enthusiasm one minute, then just can't be buggered the next! WHICH ONE IS IT?! These are the toe rags that sign themselves up for a League or competition with great enthusiasm, then when the matches come, as they knew they bloody well would, you have to chase around after them when it comes time to play, hoping they can fit you into their "hectic" schedule.
By the way, Hectic these days usually means Xbox, PlayStation, TikTok or Snapchat, so, being a man of advancing years, I do not accept these mind numbing activities as genuine priorities. You are welcome to disagree, but my age tells me you're wrong. There is no substitute for actual human interaction, despite the fact that these younglings consider Snapchat human interaction. More often than not, this is just a cover for the fact that they can't be arsed to tear themselves off the couch to join other people, in real life, no less.
There is also another reason for a person to "not be bothered" to play a game of Yahtzee. And that is because they lost the last one. But come on, everyone has a bad day! This is no reason to delay the next loss or victory! After all, how much can you know if you don't find out?
Well, there you have it, a few half decent and a few bloody useless excuses for cancelling a match. But don't get me wrong, excuses for not playing can be as unique as fingerprints or DNA so this is by no means a comprehensive list, but hopefully I've given you a good few things to look out for! Because that's me, here to help, at your service... Love you xxxxxxxx
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