Match Results
1. Jacob - 317
2. Russell - 263
=3. Chris - 220
=3. Faith - 220
5. Claire - 211
6. Miles - 205
7. "Milkshake" - 197
8. Lee - 169
9. Grace - 142
10. Millie - 132
Summary
It was a curious Live match this week. Firstly, I couldn't even get in my own bloody game. Yeah, that's right, I was banished, cast aside like a soggy tissue!
Actually, the truth is that I was a bit late so the online lobby was full when I got there. You would think that there would be a queue of people willing to step aside so the BHO'S founder could get a game. But no, the selfish bastards just carried on without me!
But it was fine (I suppose). They played their game, and me and my son played ours. I just collated the scores afterwards. Even so, the results weren't good... for me at least!!
First in the match was Jacob... again! How in the name of Satan's pimpled penis does he keep doing it?! I have no idea what kind of shady deals he has been making with the devil himself but he seems to have some mystical hold over the Live Matches! Although you would think that if you were going to sell your soul you would at least sell it for dominance in the League, in which he is actually a bit shoddy.
Russell took second in the match with a decent performance, no doubt still riding on the adrenaline from his League win. He's still in fine form, but hopefully his good fortune will have run out by the time the next League begins! He's had his time to shine now, it's time for him to fall off the perch with a bit of bloody dignity!
I came joint third in the match with a predictably middle of the road performance. Honestly, my gameplay lately is about as edgy as a satsuma! I think I need to start playing more aggressively. I might start each game by giving myself a purple nurple to get myself good and angry!
Faith also finished third in the match, joint with little old me. This is actually not a bad result for Faith as she is usually propping the rest of us up from the very bottom. Could this be foreshadowing of her upcoming winning streak? No... probably not!
Claire finished fifth. The less said about this woman the better! I don't want to go into too much detail, but all I will say is that she's a dirty little traitor who mugs off and leaves me on my own on a Saturday and I hope she dies alone and unloved! Alright, maybe that was a bit extreme... but I am currently crying into my cider as I'm writing this and it's all her fault!
Miles came sixth. You could say his attention was somewhat divided between whispering sweet nothings into Miguel's ear whilst groping him and actually playing the game. I would say that it was an 80/20 split in Miguel's favour!
"Milkshake" came in seventh. Now, who is Milkshake? Well, the truth is, I have no idea. It is quite common for our regular players to give themselves all kinds of weird and wonderful nicknames, which is a bit of a pain as it usually means I have to chase people around asking who was actually who. Until now, I have always found out. But not this time, so that means we have a new player in our midst, which is fantastic as that's what the Live matches are all about! But, Milkshake, if you're reading this, get in touch so I can give you a proper shoutout! But, until then, thanks for joining us and hopefully we'll see you again!
Lee came eighth, his performance hindered as he was no doubt off his gourd after taking the huge dose that had been prescribed to him by none other tha Dr. Greenthumb himself. It hasn't escaped my notice that Lee's copious consumption of the green herb... by which I mean parsley, is certainly affecting his performance. But he seems happy at least. Although if you want a Champion's badge, pal, you might wanna dial it back when the League starts!
Grace finished ninth. Which doesn't surprise me as she is a bit empty headed. In fact, it was only today that she sent me a message asking when the last match of League #3 was, when in fact the League finished weeks ago... derrrr!!
Millie, as you might have predicted, came last. If I'm honest, I love Millie, I love her as if she was my very own daughter, even despite the fact that she's Welsh! So, it tears me up to see her play so dreadfully! The annoying thing is that I know she can do it! When she is on form she has the killer instinct of an apex predator, but when she isn't, she's about as deadly as a hamster! She does have a pretty bad habit of being incredibly blasé about everything except food, though. Come on luvvy! Pull your bloody socks up!
Well, that was this Friday's Live match summary. Don't forget, if you're a member, you can join in too if you fancy it. Just keep an eye on the blog or on our Discord. You can also email me at bhoyahtzeeorg@gmail.com for any queries you might have.
See you next time, homies!!
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