Match Results
1. Millie - 271
2. Jacob - 263
3. Claire - 242
4. Theo - 230
5. Chris - 228
6. Russell - 225
7. Lee - 188
Match Summary
Friday, once again popped it's beady peeper around the door, and you know what that means, it was time for the now "members only" Live Match!
It was a special match, this one... well, they're all special, but this one in particular had an extra sheen to it. Why? Well, we have a new member, Theo, and he decided to join us for the match. We will be hearing more from him soon, but for now just let me say a big, sweaty welcome to the BHO. I hope you enjoy it here on the dark side. I only hope that you join our Faction or bring your friends and create a Factio of your own and get your claws into some seriously competitive Yahtzee! But for now, who cares, welcome, it's great to have you! Anyway, I'm getting off topic, as I often do. The long and short of it is, we had a match and here's what happened...
It gives me great pleasure to say that Millie, the Welsh Philly came first this week, with a more than adequate score. It was about time that the dice rolled in her favour! It's just a shame that it was in a friendly and her result means absolutely bloody nothing. But good for her anyway. She had just had her hair done, which may not seem relevant, but I think it gave her a much needed boost of confidence. It does look very nice! Is that nice enough, Millie? (private joke... she thinks I'm a twat)?
Jacob narrowly missed out on the win, by the wispiest hair on his chiselled chinny chin chin, finishing second. If there is one player that I can honestly say is as committed (or at least, nearly) as me is Jacob. Every Friday he takes a break from his hugely important task of forcing young people to do things against their will (I'm talking about his raiding sessions on World of Warcraft, calm down), which is about as important to him as oxygen. So I know this crocheting buttock bandido is commited to this great sport (yes, sport) of ours. But commiserations mate, not this week!
Claire came third. This is surprising as she was reletively sober. Apparently she "had to get up early for work". I know I have mentioned it before, but in case you didn't know, she works in the greasiest of all the greasy spoons. Her idea of work (and I would know... ahem...) is burning just about everything she cooks for the snaggled toothed troglodytes that slither through the doors (my father is a regular). But... I have to say... or perhaps I shouldn't... I don't want to, but I guess I have to as I am an "unbiased" commentator, it was a good(ish) result. But again, it WAS a friendly... ha!
Theo, the new member, the BHO newbie, the apprentice, proved that he was neither a newbie or an apprentice, as he actually did very well, especially for his first ride out, so well done. I know you're all expecting me to say something either sarcastic, derogatory or just plain mean, but the fact of the matter is, he is a shiny, new, mint condition member. I have never met him, nor has any of the other players so I can't in good conscious make any jokes about him (not yet at least). He did play well and he even beat some BHO veterans... like me...
I came fifth which makes me blood spittingly apoplectic with rage. If I was a better human being I would have taken it like a man... but I'm not... I am a huge child internally... and externally, so if something doesn't go my way, be somewhere else! I can spit out my dummy with quite the velocity! I thought to myself, it's fantastic to have a new member, but I cannot, under ANY circumstances lose to a newcomer. It was a matter of pride. And what happened? I played like a twat, scored bugger all and lost to the newcomer! Flipping predictable! Any road up, Theo, well done for finishing above the BHO's head honcho (it's really not that difficult).
Russell finished sixth with a score that was not dissimilar to my own; yeah, he played like a BHO head honcho. But not quite as good (yeah, right)! As we know, he can often get distracted by visions of his previous, incredibly long past. He has actually chosen a different tactic of late; yelling at the dice like a psychopath, or the head honcho of the BHO! But to be fair, we both truly sucked. Writing this made me remember an anecdote my dad (Russell) had told me from his past. Which, in all due respect to my daddy, I was about five years old at the time when he told me this and even I remember him going too far and I felt so filthy when he had finished, even at five o'clock PM, that I needed to wash in boiling water and scrub myself with Brillo pads. Basically, he was a Vietnamese prostitute, at the time of the pointless American war against them, he was gainfully employed as a lady of the night by a scumbag name Chong. He was the kind of lady of the night that when punters had a "special request" the other working girls would point straight at my dad... he was a freak! And he has the syphilis to prove it!
In last place was our own resident space man, Lee. And, I hate to say it. But honestly... honestly... truthf... anyhoo... his score this week, was... and I say this with the utmost respect; he played like a Yahtzee player who thinks he's currently playing darts. By which I mean he played like absolute shite! Now, he hasn't had the greatest run in League three, but that evening he was embarrassing to watch. It was shocking, it was depressing and it was, unfortunately, Lee. Depending on how you look at it, you could stick up for him and just convince yourself it was a bad day. OR, you could say that he played so bad because he was so baked thanks to the Devil's Lettuce that he didnt know what he was going for. I'll let you decide! But I know what I'm going with!!
Well, that was this Friday's Live match summary. Don't forget, if you're a member, you can join in too if you fancy it. Just keep an eye on the blog, Discord or check out our upcoming events page or you can email me at bhoyahtzeeorg@gmail.com for any queries.
See you next time, homies!!
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