The human race is no stranger to a plague. The Bubonic Plague, Cholera, Smallpox, Spanish Flu and of course, Covid-19. But what if I was to tell you that there is a plague that has outlasted all of the aforementioned plagues and is still rife to this day? It may be more innocuous than the previously stated blights on humanity, but it has the ability to make monsters of men and murderers of the meek.
I am talking about cheaters. Yep, those scumbags that have complete disregard for the rules of ANY game, nevermind Yahtzee. They can be hard to spot and tricky to catch, but if you don't, these degenerates can burrow in like a tick and make a mockery of any carefully organised gaming evening or competition. And who wants that? Nobody! Well, nobody apart from the cheaters. As upstanding members of the gaming community, you want to see a fair game where the best man wins! Yes, you may grumble because it wasn't you, but it's a hell of a lot better to be beaten by someone that genuinely played better than you than be duped out of a win by some slimy cockwomble that is there for no other reason than to look down at you with his smug, shit eating grin.
If I could sit down with a member of this heinous cult of evil doers, and actually trusted them to give me a straight answer, I would ask them one very simple question: why? That's it. Just, why? What possible satisfaction can a person gain by winning a game by being a dishonest, underhanded loser? To me, it makes absolutely zero sense. Now, if the incentive to win was a monetary one, then I guess I can kind of, sort of, possibly see why you would be tempted to cheat, but even then, where's the sense of achievement, the pride that comes with besting your peers? A dishonest victory is nothing but a hollow, empty, graceless claim to nothing. Sure, they may have a few extra spondoolicks in their pocket, but there is not enough money in the world that can cleanse their wretched soul of the shame of dishonesty.
It could be that there is a filthy cheater in your gaming group. Maybe they've just started because they have noticed that your attentions are often elsewhere so they have found an opening. Or perhaps they've been fleecing you for years. You may have even patted the twat on the back for their "skill" in the game, without you ever knowing the truth. But what if you get a little bit suspicious of one of your fellow competitors and you start to think that perhaps not all of their miraculous wins were gained through honest means? It can be a tricky one. It's usually not the best idea to just waltz up a person you suspect of cheating and confront them face to face. This can cause a lot of problems and potentially ruin group dynamics or even friendships. So, if you're suspicious, don't go in all guns blazing. Keep your suspicions to yourself to begin with and just keep a watchful eye over the suspected party. If you spot nothing untoward after a good amount of time, then you're probably wrong. If you do spot some shady doings then just address it calmly, maybe even a bit covertly; y'know, something like, "did you mean to do that" or, "I think you may have counted wrong". Cheats obviously don't want others to know they're cheaters so they will often play this off as an honest mistake. But if it keeps happening, steps need to be taken...
The first step you should take is to mention it to a trusted competitor, someone you are positive has the same amount of scruples as you. Have them keep an eye on the shady fella, at least then, if it comes down to a confrontation, you have a witness on your side. You need to absolutely positive that your suspicions are correct before you start pointing fingers otherwise things can turn real messy, real quickly. That's not to say that things won't get messy even if you're correct in your suspicions. The strange thing about cheaters is they tend to have large egos and an "I'm better than everyone at everything" type of attitude, the irony being that if they really were better than everyone at everything they wouldn't need to bloody cheat! My point is that if you confront these people there is a high likelihood that they will cause a bit of a song and dance.
So, let's presume you've gathered your evidence, you have a trustworthy witness and, against all the odds, your supect has admitted to their wrongdoing (but don't count on this), what do you do with them then? Well, in this scenario, you don't need to bother with a trial as the suspect has confessed. In this case you can go straight to execution. We generally hang our cheaters, but anything that finishes the scumbags off is acceptable; lethal injection, gas chamber, beheading, the bronze bull (google it), it's all good.
I am, of course, just being a twat, trying to be funny. But in all seriousness, what DO you do with a cheater that's just been outed? You could, of course, banish them from any future gaming evenings that you might hold, but the truth of the matter is that it's probably not necessary. They will either slink away themselves under a black cloud of shame, or, knowing that they've been rumbled and appropriately embarrassed, they will probably think twice before cheating and hopefully that's the end of the matter. With any luck you can all get back to your game safe in the knowledge that it will be played honestly with a healthy respect for the rules, and, most importantly, get back to having fun. And isn't that what it's all about?
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