Results
1. Russell - 358
2. Chris - 258
3. Millie - 221
4. Jacob - 217
5. Lee - 215
6. Claire - 194
7. Lily - 183
8. Kerrie - 143
Summary
Well, what an interesting little Live Match we had this week, oh and happy Independence Day to anyone that might be reading from across the pond. Anyone?... No?... Oh well. Anyway, we had ups, we had downs and we had just a wee peppering of drama mixed into the Yahtzee batter! Let me explain...
Russell, yes, Russell came first. That's right, veteran and casualty of both world wars, Russian spy, plague doctor, witchfinder and currently the No.1 most visited profile on Tinder and Grindr simultaneously. It was a truly astonishing performance, the kind you reserve for matches that actually matter (wink, wink Rusty), but that does not in any way detract from his stellar showing. Two Yahtzees AND his bonus. I even saw him forgo his Four Of A Kind to get his bonus, which is definitely not the Rusty Bibble I'm used to, so either he's learning or it's the side effects from a minor stroke, I don't know. For clarity, the stroke could have come from an underlying medical issue or his latest "piece of ass" (his words) from Grindr. Either way, I raise a glass to you good man! Long may it continue! I came second with a score that might have won on another night, but certainly not tonight. I had got a Yahtzee and throughout the match all I needed was that second one to cinch the deal. I have to admit that I held on to that hope right up until that last roll, but Lady Luck decided that it wasn't going to be. Bitch. Millie finished third, which is pretty impressive... for Millie. I do have to point out though that during these live matches she always seems to account for about a third of the time we are playing. Every single time it's her turn to roll she takes a good ten minutes to do so. I also have it on good authority that her and Lee (her other half) played this match in their bedroom... alone. I dread to think what they were doing to fill the time between rolls, but I won't be sniffing their phones anytime soon. Not that i would anyway... ahem... Jacob made the rest of the BHO incredibly happy this week by coming in fourth, or by "not winning". This smug little git has taken home just a few too many victories since he joined. And, just so you know, it's not the winning that's the problem, it's the shit eating grin you get from him after he's won. When he does it he looks like a cross between Barry Manilow and Piers Morgan. Two men I would love to punch square in the face. I love you jacob, but invest in a helmet. Lee came fifth this week, and he was pretty vocal during the match about what a scandal all this online play was. We were all playing under the same algorithm pal. Get over it. I'm not sure if he had nappy rash or his mum had finally said no to breast feeding him, but he definitely had tears in his eyes after the match. Claire came sixth. Another rather dreary outing for the two time champion. I'm beginning to get a bit worried. I'm thinking that her go to libations are just not cutting it anymore. Claire, maybe it's time to switch to Special Brew. And let's be honest, it's not as if you don't look the type! Lily The Pin (head) decided to join us this week and she managed to finish seventh. You could make the excuse that she was arseholed by the time we started, but that's not really an excuse. She has played many, MANY games of Yahtzee by this point. No, the truth is, she still doesn't know how to play! At least Neil has age for an excuse, she's a spritely young lass! Unfortunately I just don't think there's a right lot going on upstairs. If you talked to her you would understand. Imagine an essex girl after a labotomy then you're pretty close to Lily's general wavelength. Kerrie, somewhat shockingly, came last. What is going on with our past champions? Coming last is not good for anyone, but this is not usually Kerrie's style. She would probably never admit it, but secretly I think she is just as competitive as me. Who knows what happened. Perhaps they've converted Buckingham Palace into an Airbnb for £250,000 a night and she was trying to get reservations.
Well, that was this Friday's Live match summary. Don't forget, you can join in too if you fancy it. Just keep an eye on the blog, check out our upcoming events page and our socials, the usual ones, or you can email me at bhoyahtzeeorg@gmail.com for any queries.
See you next time, homies!!
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