Results
1. Jacob - 263
2. Miles - 204
Summary
Previously:
- Miles and Jacob were the best of besties.
- Miguel turned up.
- They fought for sole ownership of him.
- Miles lost.
Miles had spent many evenings stewing over the loss he had suffered to Jacob. They had fought for sole custody of Miguel, their newest and most atractive bit of crumpet. Miles lost by a miniscule margin. Since then, he had avoided Jacob by any means necessary, unfortunately, this meant he had to quit going to the "Weather Whores" meet ups, a pastime almost as sacred to him as Yahtzee. So, as you might imagine this didn't nothing but increase Miles's burning, nay, searing resentment of Jacob. This was only going to end one way...
 |
| Miguel |
Since the very last roll of the dice in the last match, Miles was not happy, he was furious and immediately promised retribution when the opportunity presented itself. Well, that opportunity eventually arrived. Miles and Jacob just happened to cross paths for the first time since that fateful match, in the butt plug section of Anne Summers, the kinkiest of kinky sex shops our great island has to offer, which, to be fair, is no great claim, especially inventory wise (their supply of double enders is laughably low), but they do sell giant butt plugs... so as you can imagine this is perfect for Jacob. Miles was not in the market for more butthole pleasures, but he knew where Jacob would be on a Monday morning, so he took himself there, because he wanted a confrontation. Primarily because he was missing Miguel. In fact, he was missing him so much that he had stopped eating, showering and he would only drink Skol; an incredibly cheap beer we have here in England that is akin to drinking paint thinner. This should give you a good idea of his present state of mind. I mean, not even the homeless drink Skol! Anyway, he missed Miguel and he needed him back! So before an awkward conversation could even break out, he challenged Jacob to a rematch. Jacob, who can be quite a cocky young buck, accepted immediately!
I bore witness to this rematch, and let me tell you, it was an incredibly intense affair. Miguel was also there, sat on the table on a huge red velvet cushion. I couldn't tell if this was to signify him as the prize of the match or simply because he had a sore bum passage due to over use. I decided not to ask as I may have got an honest response!
It has to be said, Jacob was doing his level best to get inside Miles's head and aggravate him enough for him to lose his focus. He was leant back on his chair pulling the most shit eating grin I've ever seen in my life, all the while stroking Miguel's bare thigh, pausing only to hand feed him strawberries and cream. It was like a scene from ancient Egypt; Jacob being the pharaoh, Miguel the eunuch. This vision danced in front of Miles, goading him into pure rage. It brought bitter tears to his eyes. Jacob's psychological warfare was doing the trick, but it was also breeding an angry resolve within Miles and it was making him even more determined than ever. I had to mediate quickly before some fairly offensive words got exchanged, it was imperative that I kept things civil, because we all know that after the words start flying, fists usually come shortly after! Not under my ROOF!! I Insisted on a clean, violence free match and I refused to proceed until they agreed to my terms. Eventually, they (very) reluctantly accepted, and we got down to business.
The match started very tentatively; Jacob had stopped caressing Miguel and was now all business and Miles was concentrating so hard that his ears had started to bleed. There was an atmosphere in the room that you could chew on as the first rolls were taken. While I can confirm that there was no violence during the match, there was a healthy dose of underhanded tactics at play, primarily coming from Jacob's corner. There was plenty of petty sniggering when Miles made even the most minute of errors, that's when he wasn't too busy tongue wrestling with Miguel in a vulgar display of public affection. But let's be clear on something, Jacob is not one of those people that get a sexy thrill out of others witnessing him while he's "on the job". No, it was yet another tactic, intended to enrage Miles right out of Match contention. I wish I could report that none of these petty tactics affected Miles, but the truth is, I think they did.
Miles was never too far away from Jacob's previous score, but he was always just a little bit behind and over the course of the Match, those little bits turned in to a sizable deficit. But boy, did he battle! He never gave up, he was steely from start to finish!
If this match just happened to take place in a 1980's sports movie, Jacob would look like he was going to win for the entire match only for Miles to deal the winning blow right at the very last minute when it looked certain he was going to lose. Unfortunately though, life is not a movie and that's not the way it happened! No, Miles stayed close to Jacob at the start, Jacob continually increased his lead, then Miles lost. It may sound brutal, but it's the truth. As soon as the final scores were in, Miles just sobbed and sobbed. Not Jacob, however, no, his shit eating grin got even wider than before and he puffed his chest out as if he was the Sultan of Brunei. Miguel did nothing. I think secretly he was against this whole "sole custody" malarkey, and I think he secretly hopes for an end to all this madness. This was looking doubtful however, at least for now! As I've said, there was no violence in this match, but that doesn't mean I didn't have to restrain them both as soon as the match was over. Jacob just giggled, give Miles a cheeky wave and sauntered off once again, arm in arm with Miguel, leaving him, once AGAIN, stewing in his own resentment and hatred, vowing retribution, ONCE AGAIN!!!!
MMMMMhhh More Miguel Madness!
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