Match #1 - Results
1. Jacob - 318
2. Chris - 280
3. Millie - 253
4. Claire - 241
Match #1 - Summary
Participants were a bit thin on the ground this week as there were only four of us. But no matter, they can't all be barnstormers. Regardless, we had fun anyway and we even got to play two matches. Here's how they went.
Jacob took top spot in the first match. How in the name of Satan's left love plum does this little shit keep winning? His first roll was a sodding Yahtzee! I mean, who EVER gets a Yahtzee on their first roll. Some might be tempted to blame the website we use for using a bad RNG (Random Number Generator), but if that was the case it would even itself out in the end. But nope. He now has six Live Match wins on record, four more than any of us mere mortals. So who knows what he's up to. Jacob, go take a long walk off a short pier. I love you, you know I do, but boy are you testing my patience!! I came second and for a while I actually thought I might be able to claw my way to victory. But nah, the Yahtzee Gods took a big steaming dump on me, as they often do. I try not to be bitter, but quite frankly I was apoplectic with rage. Millie came third, with a respectable score, for her. In fact, we were all extremely close score wise for a good portion of the match, even after Jacob's Yahtzee. I was not in the room with Millie while we were playing, but it was obvious that she was distracted as she took about three days to take her turn... EVERY time. Even so, she played well. Maybe taking her time is her tactic; boring the rest of us into not caring anymore. In last place was Claire. She wasn't far away from Millie, but last place is last place. I'm getting a bit worried about Claire. It was only last week she took home the win in the Live Match. Her recent performances are currently more up and down than a whore's crusty knickers. Come on Claire, get it together love.
Match #2 - Results
1. Chris - 251
2. Claire - 200
3. Millie - 188
4. Jacob - 139
Match #2 - Summary
I took the victory in the second match. I was hardly on fire, but I did better than everybody else, which sometimes is the best that one can hope for. I'm certainly not complaining. Sometimes you can walk all over your opponents for a victory but sometimes you have to scrap for them. Obviously the former is more satisfying, but I will take the latter all day long. Claire came second, by quite a margin it has to be said. She must have been getting lubed up by this point (with alcohol, you filthy minded scumbags). I've said it a million times before but alcohol and Yahtzee go hand in hand when it comes to the old lush. She just seems to perform better when she's squiffy. But honestly, we're all usually a bit squiffy when we play. But to Claire, alcohol is to her what spinach is to Popeye. I wish that was the case for me, but no, I tend to lose my faculties after a point. Maybe that explains a few things. Millie came third, for the second time that night. Also for the second time that night, she took about three days to take her turn. I'm deeply curious about what else she was up to at the time. Lee? Care to explain, you filthy young passion ferret? Finally and incredibly satisfyingly, Jacob came last with an absolutely laughable score. This particular result, I have to admit, gave me a little tingle in my tadge. For clarity, I don't mind losing, I don't like it but I can accept it. It's when the winner is a smarmy little long haired, crocheting, World Of Warcraft playing gobshite! Coincidentally, someone just like Jacob. Until he actually started playing Yahtzee I never would have thought that he possessed such cynical character floors. He's a polite, charming and incredibly unassuming human being. But... he is the perfect example of what competitiveness can do to a person's character. So, the BHO have got together as a whole and we have decided to club together to send him to rehab. It's a three week crash course, it's called "say farewell to competitive twatishness". Will it work? We don't know, but I hope it does because the only other option involves sharp things and bullets.
Well, there were this Friday's Live match summaries. Don't forget, you can join in too if you fancy it. Just keep an eye on the blog, check out our upcoming events page and our socials, the usual ones, or you can email me at bhoyahtzeeorg@gmail.com for any queries.
See you next time, homies!!
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