Grudge Match - Jacob vs. Miles - Settling Some Major Beef! - 05/07/25

 

Results

1. Jacob - 309

2. Miles - 305

Summary

  The tension had been brewing for quite some time. When Jacob and Miles first met they got on like a house on fire. There were many times I saw them giggling between themselves watching Coronation Street whilst knitting, discussing which member of One Direction they wouldn't kick out of bed for farting. It was safe to say that their "platonic" relationsip was blossoming. This lasted for a long time. It was beautiful to watch actually; it was the purest example of "platonic" (I'm joking. Of course their friendship is platonic. Jacob actually identifies as a Cheese Toastie so they would be incompatible anyhow.) friendship I, and I suspect many others, have ever seen. There were never any cross words, disagreements or even playful banter for that matter. They had quckly become like an old married couple. It was cute, heartwarming, a little sickly and just a smidge suspicious. But they didn't care, they were bros and they had each other if nothing else! Then Miguel came along...

  Miguel came in like a wrecking ball. Both Jacob and Miles met Miguel during a meetup. They were all attending a meetup for "Weather Whores". This term may fly straight over your head, but nobody could blame you. Let me enlighten you. Basically, "weather whores" are a very niche group of people that "sincerely appreciate" the sight, sound and feel of drizzle. Is that strange? You decide. What I will say though is that this community is a lot larger than you would imagine most of the communities for these oddball quirks would be!

  Regardless, both Miles and Jacob were present, getting hot and flustered over the thought of a damp anorak when Miguel walks into the very excluse function room of the Happy Ending Retirement Village. He notices them, and you'd better believe that they both noticed him.

  Let's be clear about one thing; Miguel is the nicest guy you would ever hope to meet! He is the most placid, gentle and well groomed human ever! There is no way he would EVER knowingly come between two of the bestest friends in the worldy world. Miles and Jacob, however, seemed to want him all for their own; there was something incredibly schoolgirlish about what would transpire, and it all started the minute they saw him. Whether they were blinded by their own incessant urge to get rained on at that moment in time and it turned them into to feral little girls with jealousy seeping out of their pores, I don't know. But whatever it was, that was it! The bad blood had formed and it was a constant game of one-up-man-ship for Miguel's attention. NOW, Miguel is a lovely guy, but whether he was worth all this drama, I can only doubt. 

  This pointless battle for the attentions of a humble Mexican did nothing for Jacob and Miles' relationship. In fact, it killed it. I noticed this eventually and I was not happy, so I suggested the one thing I knew could sort this dispute right out. A good old game of Yahtzee. They were skeptical at first, but I talked them around. The deal was; whoever wins gets Miguel all to themself and the other competitor had to stay away, AND whatever resentment existed before the match, MUST be forgotten and all relationships were to resume as they had before. Naturally, Jacob and Miles were not happy about this, but I can be quite convincing when I wish to be! They reluctantly agreed and the match got underway!

  There were foul stares and sickening glares from across the Yahtzee board as the two prepared to begin. I had to remind them of the agreement so they didn't end up breaking each other's noses. This would be unacceptable. Plus they were using my Yahtzee board and blood is a twat of a stain!

  It was a flipping close match. Both competitors clearly wanted to gain the upper hand on each other. They fought as passionately as their love was for Miguel. It was back and forth until the very last roll. Jacob's roll. And what do you know? He managed to take the match and win by the slightest margin of just four points. Jacob was elated and also a bit arrogant as he waved his spindly finger in Miles's face and laughed like a lunatic. Tears formed in Miles's eyes. Not only had he lost jacob but he had lost Miguel. He was broken hearted as he watched Jacob and Miguel flit off into the sunset to enjoy the rest of their lives.

  But soon Miles's heartbreak soon morphed into a seething anger and dogged determination to seek his revenge. So, will this be the last grudge match we see between Jacob and Miles? Who knows... What I do know is that my idea of everything going back to normal at the end of the match had pretty much gone right out of the window!