Okay, it's time to meet the OG BHO faction. The one that started it all. Below is a profile of all the members that make up my very own corner of this organisation. If you create a faction with the BHO, your very own beautiful gleaming faces will appear in a post very similar to this (see the "Join Us" page for more details).
Anyhow, keep reading to learn more about the great...ish people that make up BHOF0001.
Christopher Bush - Yup, that's me. The man... the myth... the decidedly average player. I think I'm self deprecating enough to give myself an honest profile and review of my overall character. So let's have a bash.
I'm getting old (39 if you must know), things hurt that didn't before, and probably still shouldn't if I'm honest and I'm almost completely grey, which I put down as a symptom of marriage. Oh, and I love Yahtzee. That last revelation was a real shocker, right?
When it comes to Yahtzee, I'm probably more competitive than I would like to admit. And this is usually my downfall. When I play solitaire Yahtzee I can knock out some serious scores. But when I compete, I try too hard and usually lose. Much to the delight of my opponents who will never forget that when all this started I pompously referred to myself as the Yahtzee Master, when in actuality, nothing could be further from the truth. When I'm losing, tears are usually never far behind and it's also a huge factor as to why I drink. I drink to forget. If only the others would let me forget. Arseholes.
Claire Hoggarth - My dear and darling older sibling. I would say sister, but it's getting hard to tell these days. Father time has not been kind to this once below average specimen. Despite this, her resolve is as steely as a piss head searching for a kebab.
It's this resolve that makes Claire such a fierce, if slightly unusual, competitor. She often employs a variety of tactics in order to gain the upper hand in Yahtzee. Her signature move is to hold on to the dice while she has a 15 minute long conversation making everybody else wait, ultimately boring them into submission.
It would be almost impossible to underestimate the impact this young (old? girthy?) woman in the game of Yahtzee. She holds the prestigious honour of being the BHO's first ever Champion in any competition and what an exceptional win it was. It was enough to make grown men cry and old women lose control of their bladders (and regrettably, she did). Her commitment to the game is second only to her commitment to Carlsberg and ciggys. Indeed if Carlsberg made women, they would probably look like her.
Claire, you are truly one of a kind... literally. I dont think humans are supposed to be shaped quite like you.
Faith Bush - Being married to a fantastic guy like me gives Faith the great honour of being the luckiest member of our faction. This doesn't, however, always transfer well when it comes to Yahtzee. But what she might lack in consistency she more than makes up for in child like enthusiasm. This is not to say that faith is not capable of making considerable waves when she's rolling the dice. She often gives a good account of herself and gives her fellow competitors a run for their money. This is due, in no small part, to her death stare and acidic tongue. Faith has a gaze so intense and eerily emotionless that it has been known to make her opponents soil their little panties and reduce them to a quivering wreck. But this is nothing compared to the poison she can spit at any who are unlucky enough to be caught on the wrong end of her tongue lashing. For those who think that Yahtzee is a harmless game need only to sit opposite Faith for a match and they will surely change their perspective. Just one sentence from her is enough to cause PTSD in even the most hardened veteran.
Intense, scary and at times quite amicable (but not often), Faith's influence on our faction has made an indelible mark on all of us. Much like a bullet does when it contacts the head.
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Kerrie Bush - My youngest sister, and quite the specimen. She is highly dedicated to the game of Yahtzee, but her extra curricular activities do tend to get in the way. For instance, she can often spend 26 hours straight researching and trying to locate the Airbnb equivalent of Blenheim Palace for £890 a minute when a Travelodge would do. She is also a fan of the theatre and has a real skill for it. You might ask, how can you have a skill in going to the theatre? Well, if she wants to watch Eastenders the musical, and it's showing in a theatre 2 minutes away, she has an incredible knack of finding the one and only performance in Abu Dhabi.
So yes, she can get distracted, but she can truly pull out the yahtzee big guns. Kerrie is certainly not shy when it comes to Yahtzees, double Yahtzees or even triple Yahtzees. She has posted some truly wondrous scores. These scores have gained her some serious traction in recent times.
But... I have a theory...
Much like her brother (me), Kerrie has a tendency to be like her brother (also me) and get rather over competitive. But, unlike her brother (also also me) she refuses to let silly things like the rules get in the way. After numerous formal warnings, and her recidivism, she is now accompanied by two Yahtzee umpires to observe her whenever she plays. But to be fair, her scores have stayed consistent. So more power to her.
Miles Bush - The youngest member of the BHO so far, at a mere 13 years old, Miles is also my only son.
When it comes to Yahtzee, he has the ability to be a fierce competitor. He played valiantly in the first league finishing second, so you'd be a fool to overlook him. He does, however, have a problem with focus at times, which can sometimes cost him dearly.
He disappointingly chose not to compete in the currently active League 2, instead choosing to pursue his other interests such as lolloping around on the floor, moaning he has nothing to do and telling us he's hungry. It's either that or he's boring us to tears yapping on about reptiles or telling us which character in Cobra Kai he finds most attractive (I think he said Daniel Larusso, if you're interested.)
He'll be back though, he has already expressed a desire to enter League 3, and that is fantastic. Not only will he make a great re-addition to the the league, it will also provide Miles with a much needed distraction from the messy thoughts in his brainium.
Russell Bush - The oldest member of our faction, Russell is bumbling, forgetful and sagging. He also happens to be my father.... lucky me....
Russell Bush aka Rusty, Rusty Bob, Rusty Bibble, is a man of stolid character, principle and tenacity (mostly). He brings all of these qualities to the game of Yahtzee. However, time waits for no man and his advanced years do tend to affect his game. His wits, at times, are about as sharp as a tennis ball, and it's these muddled thoughts that can lead him to make detrimental decisions when he's rolling. But make no mistake, when he on, he is on. When this crumbly is on form he can woo those dice and make them do his bidding. If only he could do the same thing on his Tinder profile.
Russell Bush deserves respect. Not only has he lived through two world wars, he now has me as a partner in our inaugural Team Championship. I'm ashamed to say that my competitive nature can cause me to be overly vocal when my daddy is on the dice, and I can be a tad overbearing when it comes to score selection. But to his credit, he handles it all with grace and patience. At least until he finally snaps and beats me to death with the dice board.
I forsee a grand future for the old man, as long as he can keep hold of his last remaining marbles.
Lee Hoggarth - No other member of our faction has had a bigger impact on the genesis of the BHO than Lee (my nephew). Some might say (Specifically Lee) that he is the co founder of the organisation, an assertion I vigorously reject.
It cannot be denied, Lee has a knack for Yahtzee and is capable of pulling off impressive scores at crucial moments. The trouble is, he has a real problem with humility. Impressive as his talent for Yahtzee is, his mouth is much bigger. He is the very essence of the term "gobshite" and he has no qualms about rubbing his victories in the faces of his competitors. This practice is highly frowned upon in the BHO and steps are being taken to eradicate it entirely. Or just eradicate him.
Lee is also known for his unique Yahtzee roll. It is quite possibly the most unique roll in the whole of the game. But not for the reason you might think. Truth be told, we don't even know how he rolls. He's a bit roll shy, so he has all the other players look away while he pumps his fist and spills his five white pearls all over the dice board. Strangely, when we are finally allowed to turn back around, he can often be seen sweating, grunting and smoking a cigarette.
Still, gobshitery and sweaty fist pumping aside, I can see a number of titles in this young lads future.
Molly Hoggarth - Molly is the newest member of our faction (and my niece). She was not added due to skill or competence, she was added because she doesn't have any friends and I felt sorry for her. She leads a lonely life, but the good news is, she's a bit (a lot?) dim and thankfully she never really notices.
Her passion for Yahtzee is questionable so far, sometimes it's the best thing ever, but most times its "Yahtzee? Again? I've got people to see" (yes, she's deluded). She does have one friend, Lilly, a potential future member, but I have to say I think their relationship is toxic. Not toxic in the sense that they are abusive to each other, it's more that Lilly is even dimmer than Molly so she tends to get dragged down with her.
But how can I describe her approach to Yahtzee? Well, it depends which Molly you're playing. A lot of times she has a rather slack approach to the game. This could be attributed to a lack of experience, but more likely it's due to the fact that she's a little slow and the simple action of rolling dice and doing basic maths is a little too much for her melty brain.
But there are glimmers of hope. She does have brief moments of mental clarity, and sometimes these moments occur while she's playing Yahtzee. It is these moments of clarity that make our dear, dim Molly an average player, rather than a below average player.
Neil Hoggarth - "That's a pretty good full house isnt it?" - Neil Hoggarth, every single match.
I decided to begin this profile with a quote, because I believe this small sentence gives you a solid example of Neil as a Yahtzee player, but not only that, as a human.
Neil is my brother in law and husband to my sister, Claire. They have spent many years in the throes of marriage. Please believe me when I say this as I mean it with a full heart and genuine sincerity; how she has not ended up slitting his throat is beyond me.
Neil, bless him, does struggle in the world, but does that stop the BHO? Absolutely not. The BHO is committed to inclusivity and tolerance. This is where Neil comes in.
Neil has participated in numerous games of Yahtzee, but despite this, he still doesn't have a basic grasp of the rules. This is not due to an unwillingness to learn, it's more a matter of mental capacity. But the BHO is, as stated, a pillar of inclusivity and we are dedicated to helping those less capable than others.
Despite these setbacks, when Neil actually manages to get a score down, he can come up with some pretty impressive results. He is still to prove himself when it comes to competition play, but with a little time and perhaps a little help from an abacus, he can make it to the dizzy heights of just above the bottom.
Millie Oliver - My future in-law and Lee's bubba, Millie hails from a whole different country. Our only foreigner in the faction. This prickly pear hails from Wales. Yes, the land of sheep and a country where marriage between father and daughter is not only acceptable but actively encouraged. Millie did not like this thought so she came to good old Yorkshire, and she was rescued by the Hoggarths. Although, rescue is a rather tenuous term when it comes to living with the Hoggarths.
If I'm being honest, I think Millie was kind of dragged in to Yahtzee. But she has embraced it like a champ. She is a quiet young lady, unless she tells you to "shut the f**k up", then you know you've said something wrong.
Millie is a fantastic, and I do mean fantastic, artist, but unfortunately her artistry tends to stop at the paper. Dont get me wrong, when it comes to Yahtzee, she is certainly capable, but she does suffer from the "well, it's not my turn so I'll scroll on my phone" type of attitude. This can cause her to be disengaged with the match and cause her to lose miserably.
But, if she can acquire the focus required for a consistent Yahtzee score, I see no reason why she can't be up there with the best. Maybe she should practice at Yahtzee rather than playing xbox next time Lee needs some alone time.
**Note To The Uninitiated** Take this post with a grain of salt. Humour is encouraged here and most, if not all of this post is untrue, so chill out.
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