It is with trepidation that I welcome this ginger minstrel to the ranks of our faction. If ever there was a funny onion, he is the poster boy. He's a... well, we'll get into that. Regardless, he is now a part of the Yahtzee regime and he deserves a warm welcome, so let's get bloody in to it.
I've known tangerine testicles... sorry, Jack, for a good few years now. He was introduced to me by my daughter, Isabelle. He came as a friend, but I'm not a moron, I knew what his slippery plans were. I did have my reservations about my extremely young daughter, who was previously destined for a life as a nun, fraternising with a fella that could already lose loads of cash at Ladbrokes. But I let it go, and gave the lad a chance. I have to admit, Jack was a pleasant fellow, and pretty much harmless (or at least that's what I thought at the time), he was quiet, which is a bit of a red flag. We don't do quiet in our family. Also, he didn't quite meet the IQ level of what I would deem suitable for someone trying to court my second youngest daughter. By that, I mean he hasn't got one. But AGAIN, I let it go. After all, you can't help who you fall in love with. Just look at me and my wife, Faith. I couldn't help it.
For a good year and a bit, things were plain sailing, and me and my son in law to be (when?) got on like a house on fire. Then it happened... One fateful day, my daughter dropped the bombshell... she was pregnant. Yes, up the duff, hanging a donut, in the fat club. Whatever you want to call it. Being the father that I am, I may have overreacted, I mean, she'd only just turned twelve (JOKE! She was definitely old enough. But look at the photo, he looks the type doesn't he?). He was was a bit scared at the time that I might castrate him, but if you met me, you'd know, that really isn't me. The fact of the matter was, they bumped uglies and got blessed with a wee bairn, and there was nothing I could do or say to change that. So I didn't.
But in the end, they both gave me a beautiful, bright eyed, golden (not ginger) haired little granddaughter named Ava, who has just celebrated her second birthday, so I have to be thankful for that. And I am. But I am still pondering whether the positives outweigh the negatives when it comes to Jack. Let's think about it. The negatives: He's a Bradford City fan, bit of a mummy's boy, he prefers the American Office to the UK one, he's the only straight man(?) I know that likes Friends, he has never watched a good movie in his life, has less taste in music than I have on my penis... ginger. Positives... get ready for this... Ava.
All jokes aside, and they are all jokes, he's welcome among my Yahtzee brethren whenever he feels like it... he's just not welcome in my house.
Love you really Jack xxx
I've known tangerine testicles... sorry, Jack, for a good few years now. He was introduced to me by my daughter, Isabelle. He came as a friend, but I'm not a moron, I knew what his slippery plans were. I did have my reservations about my extremely young daughter, who was previously destined for a life as a nun, fraternising with a fella that could already lose loads of cash at Ladbrokes. But I let it go, and gave the lad a chance. I have to admit, Jack was a pleasant fellow, and pretty much harmless (or at least that's what I thought at the time), he was quiet, which is a bit of a red flag. We don't do quiet in our family. Also, he didn't quite meet the IQ level of what I would deem suitable for someone trying to court my second youngest daughter. By that, I mean he hasn't got one. But AGAIN, I let it go. After all, you can't help who you fall in love with. Just look at me and my wife, Faith. I couldn't help it.
For a good year and a bit, things were plain sailing, and me and my son in law to be (when?) got on like a house on fire. Then it happened... One fateful day, my daughter dropped the bombshell... she was pregnant. Yes, up the duff, hanging a donut, in the fat club. Whatever you want to call it. Being the father that I am, I may have overreacted, I mean, she'd only just turned twelve (JOKE! She was definitely old enough. But look at the photo, he looks the type doesn't he?). He was was a bit scared at the time that I might castrate him, but if you met me, you'd know, that really isn't me. The fact of the matter was, they bumped uglies and got blessed with a wee bairn, and there was nothing I could do or say to change that. So I didn't.
But in the end, they both gave me a beautiful, bright eyed, golden (not ginger) haired little granddaughter named Ava, who has just celebrated her second birthday, so I have to be thankful for that. And I am. But I am still pondering whether the positives outweigh the negatives when it comes to Jack. Let's think about it. The negatives: He's a Bradford City fan, bit of a mummy's boy, he prefers the American Office to the UK one, he's the only straight man(?) I know that likes Friends, he has never watched a good movie in his life, has less taste in music than I have on my penis... ginger. Positives... get ready for this... Ava.
All jokes aside, and they are all jokes, he's welcome among my Yahtzee brethren whenever he feels like it... he's just not welcome in my house.
Love you really Jack xxx
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