Well, that's it. My job is complete! I have successfully nagged all of my children in to joining the BHO. Well, except for Heidi, she's a bit young to be getting too involved. But she, more than anyone, knows about Yahtzee, so by the time she's old enough she'll be a fully radicalised member.
Anyway, Grace. It's been a bit of a hard slog getting this one involved with the BHO, mainly because she works odd hours and flits back and forth from here to the land of sheep and sheep diddlers (Wales). Why Wales? Well, her bit of crumpet lives over there, so needs must and all that. She is currently going steady with a goat herder that resides in a wooden shack with no toilet or running water. You know, the posh bit of Wales.
Grace is the eldest of my children, and if I'm being honest, she hasn't always been the easiest. That is not to say that she was badly behaved or naughty, but she has always known her own mind and what she wants to do, just like her father. This can be irritating, because if I had to look after me I would have thrown in the towel by now.
Considering that Grace was our first born, she came into the world in a rather efficient manner. Her mother whinged about it a bit, but after all the horror stories I'd heard about childbirth, I can honestly say I didn't feel a thing. If I could condense that small amount of time where Grace would be considered a squidgy little newborn down in to just two words, they would be: bloody nightmare. That girl knew how to scream and boy, did she use it. It got so bad that we used to have to turn on the vacuum to shut her up. But she would never fit through the hose. It's fair to say she was dramatic baby, then a dramatic child, then a dramatic adolescent and now she's a fully fledged dramatic woman.
Speaking of dramatic, her Shakespeare worthy outbursts always used to be accompanied by an animated performance. This would prove useful as when she was old enough, she buggered off to Liverpool to take up dance in university. She took to the flailing and rhythmic arm waving very well and she now wishes to become a teacher. To teach teachers, who will then teach more teachers. Only joking, I'm being overly cynical for comedic effect, of course. She is a fine dancer, and it may surprise you to know that a fat, grey and balding alcohol hound (me, not Grace) knows anything about dance, but I do. Or at the very least, I know what I like, and when I have seen her perform she has more than proven that she has what it takes. She could give Florence Welch a run for her money (google her).
Grace, like me, has a fondness for board games. Most notably Labyrinth. She also loves card games. Unlike me, she doesn't like Scrabble too much, principally because she has inherited her mother's knack for cryptic spelling. It doesn't come naturally is what I'm saying. But who cares? I have made no secret of the fact that I am shit at maths despite being obsessed with a game that requires it. Yes, even basic maths can be an issue. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses after all. When it comes to it, I think Grace actually loves Yahtzee, but I think she hides it because when I offer her a game she sighs, grunts or outright refuses. I think she does this to annoy me. And it works. She has developed a great talent for getting under my skin, and she does love to use it.
We have played some games, and she has done bloody well. This is usually after much badgering from myself, and she sometimes gives in, saying something along the lines of: "Oh for f**k's sake dad! If you are that f**king desperate to play your stupid f**king game, I'll f**king play it you fat, miserable, grey tw*t. Give me the f**king dice, you c*nt!" She has her mothers mouth. BUT, give her the dice I do, and she quite often walks away with the win. But who doesn't against me?
So, all in all Grace has the chops to go a long way in her Yahtzee career should she choose to apply herself, and I sincerely hope she does. Here's to you my frizzy haired, feeble minded daughter! Chin chin!
Comments
Post a Comment