Jacob is an old friend of my nephew / niece / sandwich toaster? I've no idea, but I'm getting old now, so cut me some slack.
Jacob is a bit of an anomaly. Why? Well, Thomas buggered off to somewhere that his ex, Boy George resides. BUT, Jacob must be the only human on the planet that still goes to Claires without any real need to. This is an obvious display of this fella's pure masculinity.
However, he does love knitting. Okay, okay, it's crocheting he has a thing for. same thing, thicker wool. He once crotcheted a woollen vagina that he saw on the internet down to the very last labia. I'm not sure what he does with it, but it's a bit more crispy than it used to be.
Jacob does visit his bezzy mate from time to time, but that might come to an end now. He doesn't have a hundred quid for every time my niece / nephew's ex mutant fancies helping herself to housewares in Asda.
When it comes to Yahtzee, I honestly have no idea about this fine fella's ability. But we don't discriminate here. We'll show him the ropes. Initially he has joined to get involved with the End of Year Knockout. Which is great. But before long, I'll get him involed in League Three.
Anyway, Jacob, it's bloody great to have you, you're a star. Let's just hope you aren't a total dud at Yahtzee.
Whilst preparing to write this profile I contacted Jacob to find out his interests, quirks etc. I have met Jacob on many occasions and we get on well, but of all the people I've written profiles for, I have to admit, I know the least about Jacob. When he sent me his response, I was so impressed I didn't have the heart to tamper with it. So below is his unadulterated and highly amusing assement of himself. Enjoy:
"Well, I could speak for hours about the politics and intrigue of Westeros or the details of what exactly happened to Gandalf when he took an impromptu skydiving lesson from a balrog, but if you want me to tell you who the current prime minister is or what the economy looks like right now, my answer will always be, respectively, "some twat" and "shit".
I once cleaned my bathroom with naught but a bottle of bleach, an old toothbrush and a butt load of elbow grease just to see if I could.
I've been crocheting for a couple of years now and would say I am a semi-professional hooker. I've amassed a small hoard of stuffed animals that I can only assume will continue to grow larger and larger until the day one of my grandchildren looks at them, says "huh, that's neat" and promptly throws them all away.
Now, I have never actually played Yahtzee (Forgive me O great and benevolent leaders of the BHO), but I did play a lot of Farkle when I was a wee boy, which is a bit like Yahtzee's weird European cousin. I hope my past relations to Farkle don't disbar me from joining.
I look forward to what you make of that but I'm hoping I don't get reamed as badly as Molly did."
Good show, old bean!
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